Rambling

Hello.

Yesterday I was given a big responsibility. A very big one and it lasts a year. I don’t know if I should be sad or not. I’m lying if I said I have not thought about this responsibility before. I… kind of wanted the job and didn’t want it too at the same time.

Now, the reality, they gave me this responsibility. I know I am not as capable as my friends, since this responsibility was given because another friends can not bear it.. and my constraint was the smallest. Besides, I love this group so much.. and no one can’t seem to hold this responsibility with many reasons, even though they wanted it.

So here I am.

Suddenly, it changes. I read something.. and I think it’s about me. About me and my responsibility. They said that I may not be capable and wondered if I ruined it all, because of my personality. The bad mood one, is what they say about me.

Yeah, that is what I feared so much about this responsibility. My mood swing is relatively high and I can’t seem to remember anyone with this kind of responsibility had this problem. I am afraid that I won’t be a good one.. It is not the first time someone told me that they are reluctant to me..

But in the other side, I want a change for myself. I want challenges. Get out from this comfort zone. I want to keep busy. I want to try. That is why I don’t like when anyone said “they are not capable for this or that, therefore they can not do this or that. The other persons are good and you’ll never be good enough”.. without even give them any chance.

Oh God, please help me.. In The Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

-N

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